Leaders love positivity. It feels responsible. It feels motivating. It often does the opposite of what they intend.

In hard moments, telling people to "stay positive" doesn't build resilience. It denies reality. And when reality gets denied long enough, trust disappears.

I learned this the hard way while coaching someone who was underperforming. My instinct was to stay encouraging. I focused on their strengths and their potential. I talked about the progress we were going to make together. They kept underperforming.

What I should have said was simpler and more honest. You're not hitting your goals. I know that's frustrating. Let's talk about what's getting in the way. They didn't need optimism. They needed acknowledgement and support.

That's where the line sits. Positivity becomes toxic when it replaces truth.

What makes positivity toxic

Positivity becomes toxic when it feels forced. When it ignores obvious problems. When it discounts what people are feeling or seeing.

Most of the time it is not about morale. It is about discomfort. Leaders reach for positivity when they don't want to sit in the tension of a hard situation. If everything sounds upbeat, maybe the problem feels smaller. It doesn't.

I experienced this when I had to announce our startup’s closing to 350 people. Ninety percent were losing their jobs. The acquiring company wanted the message to be positive and forward-looking. They wanted excitement for the small percentage who would be offered roles elsewhere.

I knew that would land as tone-deaf. No one about to lose their job wants a pep talk.

I asked our acquirers to make the announcement. They refused. It was my responsibility.
I didn't sleep for days trying to find a way to deliver the message honestly without being falsely positive. In the end, I wrote a speech comparing the company to sourdough bread. Each employee carried part of the dough’s starter with them.
They would take what made the company unique into whatever came next.

I tried to offer hope without pretending things were fine. That balance matters. Optimism acknowledges reality. Toxic positivity avoids it.

Where it shows up now

Right now, I see it most often with AI.

Leaders talk about efficiency, automation, and opportunity. They talk about scale and innovation. What they don't always talk about is fear. Employees are wondering what happens to their jobs. Customers are wondering what disappears. When leaders only highlight the upside, people assume the downside is worse than anyone is saying.

I'm working with a small company eliminating much of its customer service roles through AI and automation. Leadership wants to keep the tone positive and forward-looking. Employees are focused on job security. When those fears go unacknowledged, positivity starts to feel dishonest.

I saw the same dynamic during a client’s company sale. The owner was thrilled about the acquisition. He saw validation and financial upside. He expected the team to share his excitement. Instead they asked worried questions about what would change.

He offered bonuses and tried to keep the message upbeat. What he missed was that people were processing loss. They loved their roles, their customers, and their colleagues. The bonus didn't feel as positive when it felt like it came without acknowledgment of what they were losing.

I see it in sales slumps, too. Numbers are down. Everyone knows it. Leadership keeps saying the pipeline looks strong. When leaders avoid reality, people disengage.

The cost

If you share news you think is exciting and the room goes quiet, that is information. If employees start saying they just want to vent, that is information. If they stop raising concerns entirely, that is information, too.

Toxic positivity does not improve morale. It erodes trust. Every time I have avoided naming an elephant in the room, I have subsequently regretted it. Those were missed opportunities to build credibility.

People do not expect leaders to fix everything. They expect leaders to see what they see and acknowledge what's true.

The antidote

Empathy comes first. You cannot know whether your positivity is helpful or harmful if you don't understand how people are feeling. That requires curiosity and direct questions. It also requires being willing to hear answers that may be uncomfortable.

We hear leaders tell their team to learn new tools and technologies, like AI, because it would look good on their resumes. Helpful? The team hears something very different. Basically, that they should prepare to leave.

Intent is positive. Impact is not.

Leaders need to acknowledge reality before they try to inspire. That might sound like this is a difficult situation. I know there is uncertainty. I don't have every answer yet. That kind of honesty builds credibility. From there, leaders can offer direction and grounded hope.

When I announced the company closing, I could not change the outcome. What I could do was acknowledge the situation and explain how we would support people through it. Outplacement. Severance. Time. I could be honest about what we had hoped for and what was actually happening.

Sometimes leadership is not about fixing. It is about helping people move through something hard without pretending it isn't hard.

What to watch for

Pay attention when you are the only one excited in the room. Pay attention when positive framing is met with silence or concern. Pay attention to your own instincts. If positivity is being used to avoid a difficult conversation, that is usually a signal that something important is being left unsaid.

Language that dismisses fear is another warning sign. “Don't worry about that” rarely reassures anyone. It usually signals that their concern is not being taken seriously.

Lack of empathy is always damaging. Toxic positivity is simply a lack of empathy delivered in an upbeat tone.

Where it starts

Think back to that underperforming employee. As long as I stayed exclusively in encouragement mode, nothing changed. When I acknowledged the difficulty and asked what was getting in the way, the conversation shifted. We could actually address the problem.

Positivity itself is not the issue. Avoiding reality is. Teams do not need constant reassurance. They need honesty, empathy, and direction. They need leaders who can acknowledge hard truths while still pointing toward what comes next.

That balance is not toxic positivity. It is leadership.